Stressful Week

This has been a stressful week and I've found myself grazing at work. ARGH!! I wish I could just take all the bad things at work and throw them away. Other than that, I do great. LOL I still haven't finished my paperwork for the online trainer. I need to do it this weekend among everything else.

This just reminds me that no matter how far you are out, no matter how well you've done, you have to be conscious of what you eat. Every day. If you don't, it's too easy to slip up, to forget for a little while, and before you know it you've gained back a ton of weight. I'm up about 5-6 lbs from my low of earlier. This is a direct result of slacking off in the "being conscious" arena. I'm not fanatic about getting back but I do need to make sure I am more conscious and STOP the grazing. ARGH (again)!!!

BTW, song of the day is by Metric - Gimme Sympathy. To me this song is telling me not to hold myself back. To take risks without worrying about the consequences because it doesn't last forever. Good advice to us all.

Bonding through Exercise

Alright. So here's the scoop: I'm currently at 210.6 lbs. This actually seems to be the ideal weight. It's too much of a push to get below this and as long as I'm eating right this seems to be where my body wants to be. This will change, I'm sure as I finish my plastics but for now I'm good.

I've been out walking and biking a lot lately. I walk 6.5 miles almost every day now. I'm working on getting faster at completing that distance. On top of that I've been getting my daughter and I out on the bikes as much as possible. This past Saturday we rode our bikes over to the movie theaters. At the end of the ride (just before the theaters), there is a relatively big hill. I got up it without much trouble but had to stop and wait for my little one. You could tell she didn't want to do it but I give her credit, she plugged away, and amid cheering from the people at the apartment complex pool as they urged her on, she made it. I was so proud.

Anyway, it's been a hug daddy-daughter bonding experience. It's amazing me how much bonding getting out and doing a little exercise can occur between two people.

I've also been tanning for the first time in a REALLY long time. I don't want to get super dark (and doubt I could if I wanted to) but I do want some color. I thought that I would get a jump start using the salon down the street from me. It's been interesting, to say the least.

Anyway, today I'm filling out the paperwork to work with an online trainer. I'll keep you in the loop as to how that goes. I know we're all always on the look out for something that will help us be successful and maintain that success. It's my hope this will prove to be a powerful tool. As always, tune in for more information on this new adventure.

Take care and have a great Fourth of July.

Exercise / Trainers

Mmmmm. It's raining outside so I have the window open. I can't think of a smell I like better than rain. I should put my laptop in a poncho and go out and sit in the rain. I love summer rain. With that said, while I love the rain I do hope it won't rain all weekend. I have been really looking forward to getting on the bikes with Faith and getting out there.

I've had so much work on my plate over the past month that I've had to take a lot of it home with me. It has been that or sleep at work. Fortunately I've been able to watch the HBO series "Weeds" as I've been working. That has kept it from driving me too much insane. Good show by the way. I've made it a priority not to let my work interfere with my time with Faith and I've remained accessible to my friends and family but it has kept me from being able to get out and do a lot.

Anyway, the stress has been difficult to deal with. It's been hard not to fall back on bad habits and from time to time I do. Yesterday, however, I tried something different. Rode my bike over to a nearby park and went around the trail 8 times for a total of 6.4 miles (estimated). I didn't really have the time to do it but it was great. I need to do that more often.

I've also decided to investigate using a trainer. I used to work with this amazing woman. She has a daughter who is trained in physical fitness and martial arts and does personal training (online and in home/gym). I will probably post more about that later; however, if you want to get hooked up, let me know.

Just remember that your weight loss journey is only half of the trip. The other half is learning to live healthy and proper exercise and a good cardio make-up are essential to help you get there.

Calories / Lagoon

So even though I'm not being as restrictive as I have been, I'm still finding that I'm not eating anything out of the norm. The biggest change really was on Friday when I added a couple of slices of cheddar cheese. This weekend zoomed by and I had to remind myself to actually eat. For Father's Day we spent a few hours at Lagoon. As always I forgot to eat until my low blood sugar reminded me. My daughter and I split a chicken rice bowl at Teriyaki Stik. Some chicken and a bit of rice. That was my deviation for the weekend. The funny thing is I don't really deprive myself (okay, so for my week long experiment I did but not as a general rule). I just watch how much of anything I eat and know where my triggers are.

Anyway...... I weighed this morning at 207.2 lbs. Nice.

Last Friday I also read a few articles which reminded me how easy it is to rack up calories. Amazingly so. This is why it is so important to understand how many calories are in everything. If you can estimate the amount of calories you are putting into your mouth then you are way ahead of the game.

One slice of bread is approximately 100 calories. Buffalo Chicken Salad at Chili's is over 1,000 calories. And so on. Get in the habit of knowing the calories now. It will help you estimate and that will help you tremendously.

End of the Week Blurb

For those of you who would like to start running but are struggling with it because it's been so long since you have, here is a website just for you.

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

How do you know when you're done with your weight loss?

Well the easy answer is that when your daily caloric intake rises to the point where it pretty much matches up to your daily caloric expenditure, your weight loss stops.

My answer however (which is basically the same as above) is when you try to lose weight and you can't because there's not much fat left on your body and you're exercising and eating enough to keep your body from eating your muscle tissue. This, I think, is what I ran into last week. But we'll see. I seem to have bottomed out weight-wise (which is totally fine because I'm perfectly happy with where I am).

Now if I could just affect the weather by how I eat and exercise that would be great. I need some sunshine this weekend.

Day 7

Okay... hmmm. How to put this. I wasn't perfect today. Damn.

It started off well but my string of perfect days came to an end when I popped like 10 jelly bellies. Then I ate about 10 pieces of licorice and then like 15 small round chocolate candies.

*covers eyes* I hate myself already!

Anyway, the rest of the day went well (that all happened in about a 2 hour period) and I did get on the elliptical and workout when I got home (5 out of the last 6 days). So that did make me feel better. And my water has been phenomenal.

So there you have it. Tomorrow I'm getting back to where I was because I know I won't be perfect at Lagoon on Sunday (well, I might be really close). More updates to come.

Day 6

Day 6.
Still cruising. Weighed this morning at 209.6 lbs. Drank lots and waited until 10am to eat 1/2 of my protein bar (150 calories - 7.5g protein). Drank more and then when I got home I jumped on the elliptical. After finishing my workout (at about 3:45pm), I drank a EAS protein shake (170 calories - 20g protein). About an hour and a half later I was actually a little hungry so I ate the other half of the protein bar (150 calories - 7.5g protein).

So right now I'm at 470 calories - 35g protein. At the end of the day I'll be at 670 calories and 50g protein. Add on the little bit of calories that flavoring my water brings and I'm right about 800 calories.

This is actually getting kind of fun. All in all though today was a bit more difficult than some of the other days. I had a harder time getting into the workout (the first 10 minutes is always the hardest) and I had a more difficult time stretching the meal times out (as noted by the 2nd half of the protein bar). But all in all, I'm cruising.

Day 5

It's amazing to me how easy it is to live under 700 calories a day. If you had asked me 2 years ago if I could ever see it happening I would have thought you were crazy. But yet I've been on this kick all week. Today is day 5. Yesterday I ended up with 480 calories (plus whatever little amounts of calories I take in to flavor my water).

I'm now at 211.4 lbs. Yep. That was what I weighed in at this morning. That's almost 9 lbs down from when I hit my scary weight. The push is on to break the 200 lbs barrier. I'm exercising at least 5 times a week too in order to keep my body from breaking down muscle. Add to that the fact that I'm ingesting 20grams of protein immediately after every workout (have to love the EAS shakes).

Some have asked if this is a reaction to what I've been talking about in my personal blog. I guess it is a little bit but I actually started this before that happened. Others have asked how long I plan on doing this. I honestly don't know. At least until I get past the 200 lb barrier. And I don't think I'm opposed to occasionally eating out with friends/family/colleagues but then it would be the only meal of the day (most likely).

The ultimate question is when will this become a habit? After 28 days? Or will it always be something that will require my mental focus in order to happen? I mean it is fairly easy but it does require discipline. I have to watch and remind myself not to just eat because I think it's time.

Anyway, this is proving to be a very interesting experiment. More to come later.

Eating and Exercise - An Ephiphany

Day four. Okay, so I was thinking this morning that I'm really not eating any different now than I was about 18 months ago. It's really similiar, actually more along the lines of how I should have been eating back then but we won't get into that.

So I've stopped thinking what I'm doing is unhealthy. Can I do it my entire life? Well, I could but I doubt I will. What I'm actually doing right now is eating four times a day. Three times at 200 calories or slightly less and the other is a snack under 100 calories. So that's putting me between 650-700 calories per day. If you add the flavored water, that's between 100-150 calories per day. All in all it boots me under 1,000 calories. But I'm still getting around 60 grams of protein per day.

This all aids in my push for 195 lbs. But how am I going to stay at 195 once I get there? Easy. That's where the exercise push comes in. I'm telling you here and now, right here, that exercise every day is the thing. As Disney puts it: You've got to move it, move it. Okay, so Disney didn't invent that line but I just say Madagascar 2 with a friend and my daughter so it's what came to mind.

I have a lot of goals when it comes to exercise. And let's talk about goals for a minute. I know some of you have talked to me about this in the past. Having an end goal is important but if that's the only goal you have, then your chances for failure are good. You need to have a long-term (end) goal but you also need to have several short-term (stepping stone) goals. Stepping stone goals are your pathway to your end goal. For example, I want to run a half marathon next spring in Ogden. How am I going to get there?? Well, by pushing myself on the elliptical, getting out and biking, starting to run and as my body accommodates, increasing the amount that I do each day.

As I'm a person who likes things to happen overnight (gets me in no end of trouble -- usually with other people), I like to jump into things too fast. This is no exception. But I'm working on holding myself back, being patient, and putting in the every day work that is required to get me to the level I want. Do I have a timeframe? Not really other than next spring. I don't really do timeframes well anyway. But in the back of my mind, I'd like to be tremendously closer by the end of July and that's the push. If it happens, great. If not, well I know I'll get there eventually, you know?

Email me if any of this doesn't make sense to you. I think it's important.

Exercise and Your Self Image

Whew. I am so tired. It was a long (but good) day at work but coming home and working out and then going out for a long bike ride was just what I needed. I feel at peace. I'm still on this controlling what I eat kick. I calculated out that yesterday was around 750 calories (including the flavored water). Today so far I'm at about 550-600. Amazingly enough, eating less has led to more drinking so my water has soared to over 100 ounces.

How long will I do this? I don't know. When I hang with good friends, I pick things up from them. I picked this up from a friend late last week. Apparently its been an unhealthy but rather production tool for them over the course of their life. I wondered if I could do it, could live that way. Guess I'm finding my answer. I don't find it overly difficult, in fact I'm getting pretty used to it. I assume that if I kept it up long enough, it would become habit. Don't know if I want to go that far. But I'll probably continue through the end of the week.

I haven't changed my mind -- I want to push down to 195. That's about 18 lbs from where I am now. I'm exercising and getting in a good deal of protein after I finish so I'm sure the 18 lbs won't come from the used muscle. What I wonder is if I actually have 18 lbs of fat to lose. Guess we'll see. According to the BMI scale, I do.

I'm starting to get into the elliptical too. My next step is to bump it up an extra 15 minutes. Then once I get used to that, I'm going to start running in addition to the elliptical. I don't have a specific timeframe for this (I don't do timeframes) but I'd honestly like to be running 5 or more miles by at least the end of the summer. We'll see. Next summer I want to join some of my friends/colleagues in running the half marathon up in Ogden.

Many of you have stated that you hate exercise. I totally relate and understand. Up until now that is. I think hate of exercise is like hate of math. If you have the wrong mindset, you're screwed. You can't think of exercise as a have-to. You can't think "oh I have to get in shape." Once you make it a have-to, it's downhill.

When I first started this exercise journey, it was painful to try and get myself to do it. As I started realizing where the journey was taking me, that the exercise could alleviate my stress (it really is cathartic), that it was going to help me get to where I wanted to go (which is where I was headed when I started the weight loss), it's all become different now. Granted it wasn't at first but it so is now. I'm exercising every day now. I missed a couple of days last week due to a long date and time with my daughter but otherwise I was there every day. And this week I want to exercise every day and unless something better comes up, I'm there.

Some of you, I'm sure, have this image of yourself in your mind. This image is a toned version of yourself. Well, losing the weight is definitely a start. But any toned person you see isn't just skinny. They have spent time, put the hours in, to exercise. This means working out. Find your motivation. Find your reason. If you like hiking then thrill as your leg muscles get stronger. Start off small. Start with 30 minutes a day. If you don't like going to the gym, buy an elliptical. But do something that makes you breath hard (and sex does count but you have to do more than just sex -- well unless that's your job and you're doing it like 150 times a day) and makes your leg muscles wear out. Then as you get into that, add some weights and crunches. It's all part of the process. You're becoming like everyone else. Take this opportunity to become the person you want to be. Become the image in your head.

Unhealthy Eating

So yesterday I ended the day at 755 calories. Taking into account the exercise, net calories were just over 200. Hmmmm. And today I'm still at it. I'm almost at 40 ounces of water but other than the water flavoring, I haven't eaten yet.

I know what you're thinking... unhealthy! And you'd be right. But I am exercising control and I want to see how far I can take this. It's only a temporary fling. Plus it reminds me of someone I care about a lot and those memories are good things. I want to spend time in those memories before they start to fade.

There is one additional thing I want to see. I want to see how my body reacts to this. I'm curious if it will fight back and try to keep from losing weight. How long will this battle last? How long will it take for weight loss to occur? Will there be other things that will pop up? When it's done will there be a rebound effect? All good questions and I'm intrigued to know the answers.

I think I have a new way to deal with emotional upheaval in my life. It's as unhealthy as the old one but I can deal with this one better than the old one.

Control

So the last two days have been interesting. I've really eating next to nothing (though I've made a conscious thought to get in around 20g of protein after exercise). Where did this come from? I'm emulating a friend for various reasons. I know it's not long term but it's intriguing to explore how much control I now have over this little thing called eating and I plan on exploring it a bit further. So far today, I'm at 280 calories (32 grams of protein) and I expect to get in at least my 64 ounces of water. Add on exercise that is estimated to have burned over 500 calories and I'm running on negative calories right now.

I know, unhealthy. I'll tweak it so it won't be quite this extreme but the point I want to make is that gastric bypass gives you the control. It's up to you to exercise that control.

Alteration

I'm taking out my last two posts. I have created a separate blog for my more personal ramblings. Bringing my personal and emotional things into this blog just distracts from what its purpose was to begin with. I'm going to strive to keep this blog geared more towards my journey. Since my weight loss portion of that journey is over, I'm now switching to the other portions of my journey that I now need to embark on. Any of you are still welcome to email me or (if you have my number) call me if you have any questions or need some support or advice.

Exercise - Ongoing Progress

So as many of you know, I had a bad couple of weeks due to stress about my job, etc. I gained 5 lbs and I was sitting at my scary weight of 220 lbs (yes, my new scary weight). This past week I've been trying to drink my water, I've been conscious of my daily caloric intake, I've cut out most carbs and I've spaced my meals. It's something I've dealt with every day but to be honest it hasn't been too hard -- other than I've had to be conscious about it.

Today I weighed in at 216 lbs (4 lbs down in a week). Not bad. So today I kicked it up another notch. I'm 6 weeks out from all the surgery I had so I need to get back on the exercise train. Here's something that many of you might not know... when you exercise it is easier to eat better. You might ask why. I'm not totally sure but it might be because of the reason you exercise, the fact you can feel your muscles afterwards, and that it makes you feel better all over (definitely makes you happier). Exercise can be cathartic if you let it.

So 40+ minutes on the elliptical (something that I'm going to incorporate in my routine as a daily activity from here on out. The result today has been nothing short of amazing. The caloric burn on the elliptical was about 470 calories and my caloric intake today was 1100. You do the math. Now let's see where I'm at in another week. With any luck I'll be back down around 212 lbs and in better shape. These 6 weeks of taking it easy due to the surgery has put a damper on the progress I had made at getting more fit.

Long-Term Success

I know I've said this before but I need to remind everyone about this. Gastric bypass is NOT the end all. Gastric bypass will cause you to lose weight. During the first 6 months, EVERYONE loses weight. You can't help it. You just can't eat enough to maintain your weight.

Right around the 6-8 month mark, however, your pouch matures and you can eat more. And you can eat more things. This plus the fact that you weigh less and so your body uses less calories to maintain itself slows the weight loss down. It's here where you have to start using the lessons that hopefully you learned durin the first 6-8 months. The next 12-18 months are all part of the weight loss journey and how successful you ultimately are depends on how hard you work at the weight loss.

Suffice it to say that gastric bypass is an avenue to make you like normal people. To have the ability to control your food addiction. To give you what you always wanted, will power. But you actually have to exercise that control. Yes there will be times when you will lose the battle. There will be times when you give in. But now you can see the big picture. It's only one little lose, not a couple of years of giving in and gorging yourself until you gain 100 lbs. Yay!!

Emotional eating (if that was your schtick) is still going to be a problem for you. Gastric bypass allows you to fight it -- as anyone has to. It allows your stupid ex(wanna be but doesn't know how to be a wife) to no longer affect you and your eating.

After your 2 year weight loss journey the rest of your life is yours. It will continue to be a vigilent battle the rest of your life but it's one that if you've done the work during the first 2 years you will be well-prepared to fight and win.

You might ask how you prepare during that first 2 years. It's ALL about becoming conscious of EVERYTHING you put into your mouth (food and drink) and having an idea of how many calories you are consuming per meal and per day. Some might say they don't do this but it is ESSENTIAL for your long-term success. If you take 10 gastric bypass patients and have 5 just try to eat right but not be aware of what they eat on a day to day basis and the other 5 and make them acutely aware of everything they eat every meal and every day, more of the group who is not aware will gain a significant portion of their weight back within just a few years after their weight loss journey is over.

It is in our nature to become complacent when we get comfortable with something and after 2 years you'll be comfortable with where you are with the gastric bypass. You'll be able to eat a lot more and most anything you want. That's when it gets tough.

So always remember the THREE BASIC RULES to your weight loss and long-term success:

(1) PORTION SIZE
(2) WATER
(3) SPACE YOUR MEALS OUT

If you don't know what those 3 rules mean, email me immediately. If you're not doing that, you're going to struggle (if you aren't already). If you follow them consistently, you will be very successful.

Best of luck everyone!!!!

Sean

Recovery Update

It's officially been 1 month since my plastic surgery. I'm healing much faster than I thought. I can see now what the surgeon meant about possibly needing revisions. I guess when they take so much skin (as I had), it's hard to get it all due to the swelling, etc. Now that the swelling is mostly gone I'm seeing where more needs to go. Fortunately my surgeon does revisions in his office for a much reduced rate. I'm hopefully that for $1,000-$1,500 I'll get all the revisions I want done and over with. The healing rate for the revisions should be quite a bit faster than for the major stuff that I had done a month ago. All in all this is exciting.

And **suprise!!** the numbness that I had going in my abdominal region is quickly disappearing. I have a friend who had a tummy tuck and her chest done at the same time. She is 8 months out and still numb. She says she expects the numbness to take a year or two to go away. That's alright except the numbness is irritating. It just takes time for the nerves to grow back. However, I'm thrilled with how fast the numbness for me is dissipating.

Anyway, I have my daughter again this weekend. It's been nice to be closer to 100% and to be able to get out of the house and run around. She wanted to have a sleep over with her best friend on Friday night. Her best friend's mom is pretty upset at my ex and since we are great friends it wasn't hard to work out the arrangements. They had a ball and were not happy mid-afternoon on Saturday when everyone had to go to their separate houses.

This weekend is a lot more fun than the previous two I spent with my daughter simply because I'm physically about 90% of normal. My lower abdominal muscles are not quite 100% and the center, lower part of my abdominal area still bugs me (I think it will until after revision) but otherwise I can't really complain. We've been running all over the place.

So much more I wanted to write but it's going to have to wait until later. Got to run.

Importance of Water

General Facts
* 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
* 83% of Americans know they don’t drink enough water.
* Thirst in the mouth is only one of many indicators of dehydration.
* Thirst in the mouth sensations decrease significantly after age 30.
* By the time you are thirsty you are already dehydrated. Drink before you are thirsty.
* Drink twice as much as it takes to quench your thirst.
* Blood is 92% water. Brain is 75% water. Lungs are 90% water. Muscles are 75% water.

Health/Wellness and Disease
* 5 glasses of water/day: decreases risk of breast cancer by 79%, colon cancer by 45% and bladder cancer by 50%.
* Chronic dehydration causes: asthma, arthritis, kidney stones, gall stones, hypertension, cardiovascular diseases, weight gain, migraines, loss of muscle tone and digestive complications.
* 8-10 glasses/day can significantly ease back and joint pain for 80% of sufferers.
* Water greatly increases the efficiency of the immune system in bone marrow, including its efficiency against cancer.
* Water helps reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke, Alzheimer’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease and Lou Gehrig’s disease.
* Water helps prevent glaucoma.
* Water reduces the incidence of morning sickness in pregnancy.

Performance and Focus
* Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue and performance reduction.
* A 2% drop in body fluid causes a 20% reduction in mental and physical performance.
* Water helps reduce stress, anxiety and depression.
* Water restores normal sleep rhythms.

Diet and Weight
* Even mild dehydration will slow metabolism as much as 3%—fewer calories burned.
* 1 glass of water shuts down midnight hunger for almost 100% of dieters.
* In 38% of Americans the thirst mechanism is so weak that thirst is mistaken for hunger.
* Adequate hydration relieves constipation and reduces fluid retention.

Aging and Beauty
* Aging is essentially dehydration.
* Water makes skin smooth and helps decrease the effects of aging.
* Water gives luster and shine to the eyes.
* Water decreases premenstrual pains and hot flashes.
* Dehydration prevents sex hormone production, a primary cause of impotence and loss of libido.

Recovery / Differences

Okay, so recovery continues. I can feel improvements every day. I have a tendon in my left arm that goes from my inner wrist, through my inner elbow, up through my bicep. The initial swelling irritated it and its tight beyond belief. I should recover over time but it sucks. My abdominal area and inner thighs are doing well.

I'm thinking of September as the timeline for the minor revisions that I need (and knew I'd need) -- that will have me well healed by the time my daughter and I do our Christmas time trip. Then probably February 2010 will see the second (and last) big plastic surgery that I want to get. And then it will all be about healing and getting excited about finally being where I've dreamed about being for so long.

I'm still amazed at the sizes I get into now. XL instead of 8XL/7XL (shirts). 36 waist instead of 58. Huge difference. And the best part is my ability to have better relationships with people, attract a better class of people, accomplish more every day, sleep better, breath better and finally get out and do the things I've not been able to do for so long. It's a different world now and I'm loving every minute of it.

Sean

Recovery Update

Recovery gets better and better by the day. Went to my daughter's dance performance yesterday. Wow. She looks so grown up. Seems like just yesterday that she was so tiny and just learning how to talk. Why does the time have to go so fast? Makes me want to cry.

Anyway, I was able to part about 1/2 mile away and walk over to Kingsbury Hall, sit through the performance and walk back. Doesn't sound like a lot but if you've been through this type of plastic surgery, it's nothing more than a miracle.

I continue to weigh myself 2-3 times a day and I'm still fluctuating between 212 and 217 lbs. Woo-hoo! I still think I might find myself at 210 lbs one of these days. But you never know. I'm very happy with where I am.

Tomorrow I head back to work. It's going to be a big week trying to catch back up.

The swelling is going down and it's pretty obvious I'm going to need a revision on my stomach (middle abdominal area by the incision line). Irritating but I guess not all that surprising. In the end I'm going to need some minor revisions done on my arm and thigh scars as well to keep them from looking too nasty down the road.

So here's the thing about this type of surgery for those who have it after losing a ton of weight. When there is more skin on one side of the incision than the other (which happens a lot), it is next to impossible for the surgeon to completely match each side of the incision up when sewing the skin together. This is what causes the nasty scars. However, there are things that can be done after healing has occured to make it better. You just have to be willing to get it done. So pick a surgeon (Dr. Scott Haupt) who can do revisions like that in his office.

So glad my inner thigh ugliness is gone and my upper arms are no longer flapping in the wind. Yay!! I'm also happier about my abdominal area though I'm still not completely happy with it and don't want to live with the lower central part of my abdomen for the rest of my life. Not the way it looks right now. One more revision and then I'll be happy.

Happy Mother's Day!

Outline of a Weight Loss Plan

Advice I offered a friend who is struggling. I tailored it originally for her but have tried to tweak it here to fit everyone. I hope it helps.

FOOD:
1. You have to get rid of all unnecessary simple carbs (bread, pasta, goodies) from your house. Talk to your significant other about this. If he/she needs them in the house perhaps he/she can hide them or somehow put them where they can't be seen or found by you. He/She needs to help you with this and be a good partner. As you start losing weight and get your mental strength, having some of that around won't bother you as much. But keep the amount of temptations around you down to a minimum.

2. You have to get into a routine of eating the same foods every day. I know some like to argue with me about this but if you do that you will get into the mind set of "food is fuel" rather than always eating for pleasure and taste which leads you to lean towards food for comfort when you're bored, stressed, lonely or just need to unwind. It is important to realize that if you aren't going to hit the gym 5 times a week, you are going to need to compensate by how you think about and use food. It's good to do this even if you are working out. But we can talk about that later.

3. You HAVE to keep a food journal. And you HAVE to write everything down in it. What you eat, what you drink, what you weigh. EVERY DAY.

4. You need to time your meals. Space them out at least 4 hours but ideally 5 hours apart. Never sooner. If you get to where you're starving, drink water. Water helps curb the appetite.

5. Plan your meals (especially the caloric intake). Make sure they are as close to 1:1 (Protein:Carb) as possible -- even more on the protein side if possible. Plan on no more than 300 calories for 3 meals a day and if you need one snack no more than 150 calories for that. Eat just enough to satiate your hunger never until you are completely filled up. And never eat more than 4-6 ounces. Give yourself 30-45 minutes to eat. Don't eat more than your portion. When the time is up or you've eaten your portion, you're done.

6. Get your sleep in EVERY night. That's important. The best weight loss comes from when you're getting proper rest.

7. Drink your water (and nothing BUT water). But not only that, space it out. Between breakfast and lunch you need to drink at least 22 ounces. Between lunch and dinner you need to drink at least 22 ounces. Between dinner and bed you need to drink at least 22 ounces. Get water bottles that show the ounces on the side so you can track. Write what you drink down in your food journal. Remember not to drink more than 8 ounces at any one time. For example if you drink at 10am, no more than 8 ounces. You can drink more a few minutes later.

8. Make sure you move for an hour every day. That can be three times where you're walking around a store for 20 minutes or 30 minutes around a store and 30 minutes on a treadmill or an hour around the park. Just move every day. It doesn't have to be formal exercise but you have to get out and move. Walk to the store. Ride your bike to the store. Whatever. Just move and get out of the house to do it as much as possible.

Your new MOTTO: Whenever you need to do something but your brain says "I don't want to right now I'll do it later" that is a red flag and you need to immediately get up and do it.

If you mess up by say, eating a sweet, don't despair. Write it down in your journal and do something to compensate like go out for a little walk. Then promise yourself you will do better tomorrow.

WEIGHING
Weigh yourself every single day. I don't normally say this and still don't think it's a good idea for anyone at the beginning or middle of the journey but you are so close to your goal weight that you should really be doing this. Every day. Same time, ideally naked so you're wearing the exact same thing every time.

Write down what you weigh in your food journal every day along with the time you weighed (just in case you deviate).

Don't get discouraged if you don't lose fast or as consistently as you want. It NEVER happens that way. If you have 40 lbs you want to lose, you will lose the weight. But plan on it taking you 6 months to lose it all. Let's say by Thanksgiving. It will probably happen faster but plan on it taking at least that amount of time. Remember: The last will be a lot slower than the first bit. And don't worry about how much time it takes because you are in this for LIFE. Remember that as well.

SNACKS
Try cottage cheese, Kroger's Carb Master yogurt, mozarrella cheese sticks or something like that where there is a lot of protein and the calories are low (under 150). There will be days at first (especially the first week) where you'll be craving sweets and carbs like nothing else. Each time you successfully beat the cravings, the next craving won't be as bad.

Don't be afraid to add another low calorie snack if you absolutely have to but the second one needs to be as under 100 calories. And no, low fat cookies are not good snacks even if the calories are low -- you need to have protein in your snacks.

EXERCISE
If you are working out at the gym or anything that is more than just walking around a store, remember that within 30 minutes of your workout, you need to eat protein. The more protein the better. Stay within your portion size. EAS protein shakes (the small size) are great for this. So are the Premier Nutrition protein bars (both you can buy at Sam's Club or Costco). Both of these count as meals so plan accordingly.

SUGGESTION
I know we had a discussion about protein shakes in the past. And for someone just out from WLS, I would never suggest this. But to help with your cravings, EAS shakes (Sam's Club, Costco) are good to use for a meal here and there (they are only 170 calories for the small ones -- don't get the big ones). Use them as a meal, not a snack. They are high in protein, low in carbs, and the chocolate flavor will totally help with your cravings. Just don't use them too often (no more than say 1 time a day and no more than 3-4 times a week).

General Ramblings [Recovery/Plastics]

In my last two days of recovery before headed back to work. I'm glad to be going back to work as I'm bored out of my mind but I'm also a bit worried as I'm nowhere near 100%. When I'm up too much my lower abdominal area swells and hurts. It's swollen all the time but it gets worse. However, I don't know if another week would fix that. Doc says it will take 3-4 months for everything to get back to normal.

Don't know when stage two of the process is going to take place. Hmmmm. Going to have to figure that one out. Ideally I'd like it to happen this year but I don't know if that will work or not. What I do know is that the scars are jagged and ugly. I know in time there will be some fading but what about the jagged part? I guess I was hoping for some tight little scar lines. I'll have to talk to him about that. Perhaps there's something that can be done for them on the back end.

This is going to end up being all about money. I need to have the excess skin on my back removed which will also pull my chest skin tight. I expect that will involve the surgical center again so I expect that to be expensive. I'm also going to want to have a revision on my abdomen, I can tell that already. $250/hour and it will probably take 4 hours. I'd like the skin on my neck pulled up (though I guess I could live without it). Don't know if he'd do that in-office or not. If he would, that's $250/hour again and who knows how many hours. And finally I'd like to have the excess skin on my lower legs (in particular my calves) pulled tight. Again I don't know if he'd do that in-office or not. But basically if he's willing to do many of those in office, I'm still looking at a couple of years to get everything done and a couple of years to heal completely. *sigh* I just wish I could get it all done right now and be done with it -- then two years down the line be completely healed and have it be a memory. But it's really a money issue. I don't have enough to get everything done right now.

Okay there. So now you've discovered my world. I'm not a plastics addict. I promise. I'm not looking for the perfect body, I just want to make the one I have a good one so I can enjoy my newfound freedom as much as possible. I can't wait until I can jump on a mountain bike again and go out with my daughter. Fortunately this past weekend with her was rainy. She really wanted to go biking and was bummed when she found out I couldn't go. But the rain helped to soften that blow. Who knows when the swollen part of my abdomen and the stitched up incisions of my inner thighs will be ready for that. Hopefully soon.

The Phases of Plastic Surgery

Okay so I'm still swollen in the middle of my abdomen down at the bottom. You know, under the belly button and through the pubic area. If that swelling would go down, I'd feel great. But nooo.. apparently it takes like 3 months for that to go down. 3 months?!?! Crap. That's a long time.

However, the good news is that I actually got good sleep last night. My sleep cycle is so screwed up and I've been on mostly bed rest for so long that I really don't sleep much. But periodically I get so tired that I literally pass out and sleep well. Last night was one of those. So nice. Now I'm all rested.

Anyway, I'm already planning out phase two, incisions on either side to take extra skin from chest and upper back and an incision above the buttocks to lift the buttocks and to take the extra skin from the lower back. As I understand it, the lower back skin will be folded into the buttocks area to give me more contouring of my butt. That will be nice as I don't currently have an ass. Phase two will complete everything. After that there are some minor things I'd like (calves, neck, revision of abdomen) but those are all minor and I think my doctor will do them all in his office at $250/hr. But the big two phases will finally be complete!! Yay!! The question is when will I be sufficiently recovered enough from this to do part two and when can I, in good conscience, fit phase two into my work schedule. Time will tell. Either in September/October or in like January (or March). At least that's what I'm thinking.

Sean

Happy May Day - Update

Got on the scale today and *surprise!* 212.4 lbs. So exciting. 210 is just around the corner. The most interesting thing is that I haven't had a simple carb in 8 days now. The weight loss is related to that as well as the plastic surgery but the result is that I'm more dedicated to eating right now than I ever was before.

Speaking of plastic surgery, I'm feeling good today (day 8). In about 30 minutes I'm going in to have the last drain removed. Also, I'm almost able to stand up straight. At least enough so that it's not uncomfortable as it was before. I can do most anything, I just need to take it easy on the abdominal muscles.

At this point the hard part is having the patience for the incisions to scar over, the scars to become pliable (if you don't know what I mean by this let me know), and ultimately for the scars to fade. But I've got time. I'm just impatient.

By the way, what I've learned over this recovery period is that there is a show on Comedy Central called "Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire" that is absolutely hysterical. The first time I saw it, I went "cheesy!" but as I've watched it (out of boredom), I realized the pure comedy genius of the show. It's so worth watching.

First Office Visit

Today marks the completion of 7 full days of healing from plastic surgery. I drove over to the doctor's office for my appointment and the receptionist said "wow. did you drive yourself over?" When I said "yes" she looked amazed and said "well your color looks really well."

As I talked to the doctor I got the impression that the extent of what I did was even more than I thought. No wonder I'm having a hard time with the length of recovery. I'm suffering here. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get back to work next week but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

The initial results look good. As expected though because of how much skin I had around my middle, there is some stretching there. We'll see how it looks when all the swelling goes down but I might have a minor revision there. If so, the doctor believes we can do it in his office. That would be nice. $250/hr. I asked him if it would hurt as bad and what he said was candy to my ears. "We don't have anymore muscle work to do so nothing else will hurt this bad." Yay!!

Now if I could get those abdominal muscles of mine to heal. Heal dammit!!! lol

Recovery Update

Hahahahaha. 5.2 lbs below my goal weight. I just went under 220 lbs. Who would have thought? Anyway, yay!! and with all the swelling going on, how well I'm doing with the diet plan and my water, I expect I will be down at least another 4-5 lbs when it's all said and done. Too cool!

Anyway, day 5 after surgery. Recovery does better day by day but it's still too slow for my tastes. I know I'm looking at basically 2 weeks for the incisions to heal then another 4 weeks before I can start being really active and even 12-18 months for total recovery. I'm willing to put in the time with the exception of the first two weeks. Can someone just fast forward the clock? I'm BORED!!!! I've read a ton, watched tv and movies, listened to music, even brought out the laptop and worked. But I'm bored.

One other thing that I'll say. I'm tired of being in the lazy boy. I've been here for 5 days because you can't straighten up. This allows me to be bent. And no, you can't just sleep on you side in your bed. Why? Because the drains on either side of your abdomen come out there (one on each side). However, I did get tired of lack of sleep (no pun intended) last night so I rigged my bed and actually got some good sleep on it. But that's not to say that I didn't create a great deal of intense pain in my abdomen trying to get into bed but let's not talk about that.

I was able to truly shower today. I showered on Sunday as well but that was more let the water wash me. This time was more actual washing. I feel tons better. I need to go and get some new gauze wrap so I can redo my dressings. Also some antibiotic ointment - thought I had some but I guess not.

Now it's all about trying to have a bowel movement. Sorry for the gross-ness here but it's relevant. I tried to clear everything out for surgery but I was a little concerned that I hadn't had one in 5 days. I could feel the beginnings forming yesterday. I am worried because of all the percocet and the length of time. Thank god I've recovered as well as I have. Some came this morning (I can tell more will later). Since Sunday I've been taking a child's portion of Milk of Magnesia. Today I took an adult dose. We'll see. With any luck, that will pass without too much of a problem and provide additional weight loss *laugh*

Anyway, I'll update later one. Take care.

Sean

4/23/09: Plastic Surgery

Okay, so now to catch everyone up on what you've been waiting for. Plastic Surgery. After losing 250 lbs, I had a lot of loose skin. My abdomen was where I wanted help the most. After that my inner thighs, upper arms, upper torso and back.

On Thursday morning, 4/23/09, I went into the Utah Surgical Center to have Dr. Scott Haupt do my abdomen, upper arms and inner thighs. 7 hours later I walked out (very gingerly) and began the recovery process. The first two days were torture. Day 3 (Sunday) hasn't been all that great either but it has been much more tolerable than the first 2. Thank god for my brother. If he hadn't been willing to help me out those first two days, I would have been sunk.

The pain is unreal. Percocet is your friend. Then on Saturday, I was asked to go into Dr. Haupt's office. I had no idea how that was going to happen. It was hard. You are so hunched over that it hurts your back to walk for very long.

I will tell you, however, that I'm pleased with what I've seen of my upper arms so far. I believe once the swelling goes down I'll be saying the same thing about my inner thighs. Time will tell in regards to my abdomen but I'm hopeful. Dr. Haupt told me that he cut an incision along my bikini line and then another about an inch above my bellybutton. He cut out everything in between those two lines and pulled them together. That's a lot of excess skin.

I expect that I won't be able to stand up straight for a few more days. I had the drains on my upper arms and thighs removed on Saturday and the ones on my abdomen should come out within the next week. I don't have to be back to work until May 7, 2009. That should be long enough for me to get things back together. And if I need a couple of extra days, my work doesn't mind. They are very supportive.

I did stumble onto the scale in the bathroom and even with all the gauze dressing and swelling, I'm at 225 lbs. So in essence I lost the 7 lbs that I had gained in the few weeks prior. Also, because of the tightening of the abdominal muscles, I don't have much of an appetite so I'm sure I'll lose a few additional lbs that way as well. Though amazingly enough it's been easy to keep up with my water.

Words of advice: when you're on percocet and your abdominal muscles are this sore, the last thing you want is a bowel movement. So clear them out before surgery. After surgery you also don't want to be constipated and percocet brings that on so it's important to keep up with your water and to take a little bit of milk of magnesia daily.

I'll try to get some before and after pictures posted eventually and I'll update you throughout the process.

Plastic Surgery

So on Thursday, 4/23/09, two years and 16 days after I had gastric bypass, I underwent plastic surgery. The surgery was 7 hours long and dealt wiht my abdominal region as well as my inner thighs and upper arms It all went well but the first day (really two) was mega-PAINFUL. But survive I have and even though I still can't stand upright and I still need some help, I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and it's exciting to be so close to it.

How Did I Eat So Much

So today at lunch I went to Legers to get a sandwich. I bought a half roll with turkey and cheese (just light mayo) and a little lettuce. I took it back to the office and at the turkey and cheese. After that I was on the phone and I started eating a little of the roll (kind of absentmindedly). Before I knew it, I had eaten the entire half roll.

To say I'm shocked doesn't even begin to describe it. How did that entire thing fit inside my little pouch? guess it's not so little anymore. Scary, scary!!!

But it goes to show how easy it is to get off track and to go back to the old eating ways if you don't stay vigilant. Learning how to eat right is of utmost importance during your initial journey (which is 24 months -- even if you lose all the weight before then). Right around that point, you get to where you can eat most anything and if you still have the same bad eating habits (grazing, sweets, etc) then you're going to struggle. Hell, you'll struggle anyway but it'll be even more difficult if you don't get into some good habits now.

Just remember, what they said is true. The gastric bypass is a tool. A tool by which we can control our eating for life. But the work still has to come from you. Don't be fooled by the fact that the first bit as you recover from the surgery is so easy. The weight flies off and you can't eat much. It's easy to think it will always be that way but it won't. Learn!!! Practice!!! Change your life!!!

Sean

Protein Bars/Shakes

Just a short little post. There was a discussion (debate if you will) recently on the use of protein bars and shakes. RMAP will tell you not to use them. I have been highly successful using them. However, this does not mean that I think RMAP is wrong. So let me put it in perspective:

(1) It is ALWAYS better to eat real food as opposed to protein bars and/or shakes much like it is always better to have fresh food as opposed to prepared and pre-packaged foods.

(2) If you are not going to spend the time preparing your foods (my opinion) and you are often on the go, it is preferrable to take something quick and easy that's good for you rather than find yourself going out to eat where you have a high probability of going off the eating plan or end up finding yourself grazing.

Those really are the two mantras that I run with. As far as an explanation, I'll say that I do a lot of protein bars/shakes for breakfast and lunch but almost always eat real food for dinner. Why? Because I am always running out the door in the morning and I rarely take enough time at lunch to heat something up and I hate wandering into the break room anyway.

My Story
I lived on protein bars from the 3 month mark (once I could eat nuts I started with the high protein slimfast bars) through my year mark. I lost 188 lbs with that approach. From the year mark through the 18 month mark, I moved (85%) of my bars to Atkins Advantage (the bars with 20g carbs, 10g dietary fiber, 11g protein (the Double Chocolate Crunch was my favorite). After that (I'm currently a little over 24 months out), I've graduated to the Premier Nutrition protein bars from either Sam's Club or Costco (Sam's Club is cheaper). Recently I started using the EAS (Sam's Club) and Premier Nutrition (Costco) protein shakes. But again, this is because I'm always on the go for the first chunk of the day and these work for me.

Making my eating routine and easy was the key for me. Is it for you? Maybe. My eating is pretty boring but I like it that way because it takes away a ton of the cravings and makes the entire process easier for me. Many that I know don't like to do it this way. They want to have variety in their diet. If that's you, this approach certainly isn't for you.

Summary
All in all it comes down to what works for you. However, like I've said in previous posts, your first 18-24 months is all about learning how to eat while your pouch is small and you can't eat much. You will soon get to a point where you will be able to eat anything. Once you get to that point, the lessons you've learned over the first 18-24 months will save you so when you hit your 5 year mark you'll still be lean. Learn now what works for you and realize that what you are learning will help you lose the weight now but will also be how you will be eating for the rest of your life. You can't just eat one way for the first 24 months and then suddenly change and not expect something to happen. This is a lifetime approach. I've chosen to be with protein bars/shakes as well as beef jerky and (from Smith's) Kroger's Carb Master yogurt for life. Keep that in mind before you ever make a move towards such products.

Sean

Stress Eating

Okay, today was a stress day and with sugar around EVERYWHERE at work, I found myself grazing way too much. So here is where my biggest battle is. Learning how to not graze when I'm stressed to the max at work. Let me know how you're dealing with this battle. I want to hear from you.

The good news is that I am able to leave the stress behind once I leave work. Tonight I'm spending the first of 10 nights in a row with my daughter. Got to love spring break. So I'll leave you now so we can get back to our music appreciation night. YAY iTUNES!!!

After 24 Months

I'm finding it more difficult to eat right and keep my portion sizes where they need to be now that I'm two years away from surgery. Yes, this is scary. I can see how easy it would be to let my guard down and regain the weight. I don't think it would be possible to gain all my weight back but I can see how easy it would be to gain back a lot of it.

Calories mount so quickly and easily during the day. Before when I couldn't eat a lot and not a lot settled well in my stomach so it was easy. But that has passed and now it's having conscious thought of everything I eat that is required.

I bring this up for those of you on the journey right now. Those first 18-24 months are where you set your behavior. Where you learn how to eat right. Where you learn to become conscious of the calories (and nutritional value) of the food you eat every day. It's where you learn how to drink enough water and to exercise. If you learn those lessons, they will serve you well when you get to where you're eating like a normal person again (and you will get there).

Case in point: When I was in Chicago, I went out to a business dinner. I ordered off the menu (a chicken curry dish) and ate a little more than half. Afterwards we were talking and the topic of weight loss came up. When they found out how much weight I lost, they were amazed. The one comment that stands out in my mind is when one of my colleagues said he couldn't tell I was on a diet or eating differently from how I ate. At first that scared me but then I realized that's what this is all about. Recovery from the surgery is when you lose your weight and learn how to correctly eat. After your complete recovery, then you have control to eat like all those skinny people you have known for your entire life.

So learn what you need to for your first 24 months. Don't waste it and don't make excuses. What you learn there will mostly determine the long term success of your weight loss. And remember that it will not always be so easy. There will come a time when you will have to monitor your weight closely and adjust your caloric intake and exercise level when needed if you start going up. It will be a lifetime fight but one you can easily continue to win. You can't allow emotions to control your eating habits anymore. You have to decide to be in control and to always remain vigilant... no matter what.

Protein Shakes/Bars

Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that I'm now supplementing my protein bar craziness with EAS protein shakes. Can you believe? Love Sam's Club... get them at a good price. I'll let you know how that ends up working but I have found that I'm less hungry after drinking those than when I eat a bar. I find that interesting. Anyway, stay tuned.....

A Big Hello

So many things have been going through my mind lately that I haven't been sure what to write. So rather than avoid my blog like I have been, I'm going to give you a bunch of random ramblings.

1. I love my job. I absolutely love the travel. I wish I could do more. Unbelievable being able to go to Chicago (expense-free) for pretty much two weeks. It's all I could ask for in a job and more. I enjoy what I do, who I work with, and the unlimited potential. Why do I bring this up? Because it's only possible because of the weight I lost.

2. My daughter's mother. After two and a half years of divorce, the limited amount of communication we have is finally starting to be normal. For those of you in the know about this, I'm still in shock and feel like I'm going to wake up from a dream anytime now. It's nice though. What's funny is that if we'd communicated like this during the marriage (as much my fault as hers), we'd probably still be together. Though I don't know whether that would be a good thing or not. I bring this up because... well, again for those of you in the know, you understand.

3. Dating. I find dating to be a lot harder now than it used to be. I have a lot more opportunity to date now (for obvious reasons) but I find it more difficult to get into relationships now. That's mostly because I don't roll over and take shit like I used to. I used to get walked over all the time. Now I'm just me and if it's not fitting, I don't try to force it. Big difference from before but that has a lot to do with the increase in self-esteem and confidence.

4. Weight. Still frustrated with the fluctuations. Honestly? They downright piss me off. I got back from Chicago on Wed night late. I weighed at 230 lbs on Thur morning (down 1 lb from the morning before I left). Weighed again today and I was at 232 lbs. WTF? Really! Oh well, all I can do is continue to work at eating right, drinking and trying to get as much exercise in as possible.

5. Speaking of exercise... I was going to run a 3k (or really walk it) next month but as I told my daughter that we could do it together, I realized that I'm having plastic surgery at the end of this month and won't be in any shape to do something that strenuous that soon. Here's hoping I recover from plastic surgery as quickly and as well as I did from gastric bypass.

Alright. It's time for me to get sleep. Big day tomorrow. Keep dropping me emails, I love hearing from you.

Take care.

Sean

YOWZA!!

I was scrolling down on my blog and happened to look on the right side at my pictures. WOW!!! It's amazing to think how large I was not overly long ago. I owe everything to Dr. Smith for performing my surgery and the person who invented Roux-en Y. I'll say it again... WOW!!! A brand new life. The life I always wanted. I just wish it could have come 20 years before it did. Oh well, I will enjoy it now for the rest of my life.

How people look at me differently
The choices in life that are now available to me
The things I always wanted to do that I can do now
Etc., etc., etc.

So amazing. I would love to hear from all of you. How blown is your mind with what is or has happened to you because of WLS?

Random Blogging

Have you ever been the first one you know to start listening to a band and then have someone you don't really like get into them and it kind of ruins it a bit? Yes, I'm being a little vague but that just happened to me with The Veronicas. I've been listening to them FOREVER but recently the luster was taken off just a little. Oh well, it couldn't last forever.

Anyway, I'm getting ready to head out to Chicago again; however, I wanted to leave you a little bit of advice. As you know (by my previous post), I went above my scary weight (all the way to 231 lbs). However, when I weighed this morning, I was at 227.8 lbs. Wow, right?! How did it happen? It's all about the water. I started drinking a ton of water and released all the water I was retaining. Now if I can just hold on through this next trip.

Faithy-Bears birthday is on Monday and I'll be in Chicago. It's a little sad but I don't have her on her birthday this year anyway. I do, however, get to celebrate her birthday tomorrow (Sunday). I have her most of the day. We'll go hang out at the movies and do a family dinner. It's probably going to be sucky weather or else we'd probably go out for a bike ride too. She's such an amazing girl -- a fact I tell her all the time. She's brilliant, beautiful, and so funny. You might think that I'm a little bias (and perhaps I am) but these three facts are repeated by anyone who meets her.

Anyway everyone, I'll try to blog while I'm in Chicago (I'm out to take a picture of the front of Wrigley this time and hopefully make it to the art museum). Take care and keep working hard. Remember that the journey is a lifetime so don't beat yourself up over a mistake here and there, just try hard to do better the next time. And if you get too down, listen to the song "Move, Shake, Drop." It always pumps me up.

Sean

My trip and weight gain

I just got back from my weeklong business trip to Chicago. I barely have a chance to breathe and I'm out again (Monday morning) headed back to Chi-town. I love Chicago and I love that I get to travel for my job. However, there is one thing I hate. Everytime I travel, I gain weight. Oh I tried really really hard this last trip to eat decent. I think I did a good job. And I walked everywhere so I got a lot of exercise. But yet I'm now up to 231 lbs. 1 lb over my scary weight. Dammit!

I know I'll get back down but it's always frustrating. But I realize that I have to be forever vigilant and always readjust my water and food intake as well as my exercise type and level in order to maintain my goal weight. It's not always easy but I've been on the extreme upper end. I know how I felt then compared to how I feel now. I know how happy I was when I got down to 225 lbs for the first time. It's all worth it and it's worth it to continue working on my diet and exercise to keep myself here.

It's all worth it!!!!!

Chicago: Weight loss/gain on trips out of town

I love business trips for everything other than weight maintenance. I'm in Chicago, easily the coolest city I've ever been to, and I'm struggling to eat right. Grrrr! I was up to 229 lbs the morning before I left (3/22/09), let's see what I can do over the next three days so on Friday (first morning back) if I can't say I lose (or at least maintained). Wish me luck.

I'll get back down to 225 lbs but I have to say that I didn't think it would be so hard to maintain my weight once I got down here. The biggest problem is that I can eat so much more and I can eat anything I want. That means that I need to use all the skills and new eating habits I learned during the weight loss phase and be like all those skinny people I've been around my entire life. I can do it, just need to always stay vigilent. Can't afford to stop paying attention to what I eat, how I exercise and how I control my caloric intake.

Anyway, I'm off to run around Chicago for a bit. I'll try to write more later on in the week.

Sean

Sam's Club / Stress Eating

So today I visited Sam's Club. OMG! I love Sam's Club. 3 boxes of my protein bars (Premier Nutrition - 30 grams of protein each). 15 bars per box for just over $14. Also purchased (for the first time), the EAS protein shakes. 18 count, almost $25. Also found some trail mix that isn't too bad at all -- really just the fat content but I'm not worried about that... especially if I keep it under control (how much of it I eat). I'll take a bunch with me to Chicago next week.

Anyway, so today's update is about stress. I've been MEGA (yes I repeat MEGA) stressed for the entire month of March. Work has been insane. But I'm finally almost at the light at the end of the tunnel. April 6th is the day when I think I'll be through everything with work and my life that has me running non-stop.

What I've noticed is a HUGE tendency to cheat with simple carbs (especially sugar -- candies). Soooo bad. It's almost a subconscious thing. It hasn't hit me too hard (hopefully that's because I've been fighting the good fight and not because it will hit me later) in the weight department. I need to watch the stress eating. Such a bad area for me. Definitely needs work.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be posting from Chicago to let you know how the food and give you some highlights from Chi-town. This is the first of two trips over the next two weeks and in between is my beautiful daughter's birthday.

Enjoy the weather, my friends!! My daughter, Faith, and I will be enjoying our mountain bikes a lot this weekend. She's all psyched to go out. We fixed her bike up last night (brakes needed some tweaking and new pads had to be installed). So if you see us out on the road, try not to hit us but honk and give us a wave.

Sean

Current Dilemma

Okay, so I got back down to 225 lbs and then for some reason I fell off the wagon and now I'm back up 4 lbs. Grrrr. So I'm too close to my scary weight for comfort. Today I reaffirmed my committment to not cheat on my eating. I certainly wasn't perfect but I did do better. But now I'm going through carbohydrate withdrawal. I hate that! I will never know why I continue to fall into this trap but yet I do. The good part is that I know I can drop the weight again and get back to where I want to be. The bad part is that this shows me how easy it would be for me to gain weight and go back up again. Eeek! I don't want that. Five years from now I want to be at 225 lbs still. Even lighter depending on how much weight comes off when I have plastic surgery.

Anyway. I realized today that you can adjust your preferences on blogspot.com if you're a registered user and follow my blog. Several people do that already (as I found out the other day) and so they get automatic updates.

Which reminds me. I really want to hear your stories. Email them to me. Please.

Sean

MUSIC!!!!

Okay everyone, I need your help. I've added a sampling of my musical tastes to my blog. If you add to it the hiphop song "Move, Shake, Drop" you really have a good idea of what my daughter and I listen to. With that said, I need your help to identify more music that I'll like. So please!!!! Take a moment and listen to the music here on my blog and if you have similar type music that you listen to, please email me a list of your musical suggestions.

Thanks.

Keeping Busy

You know, it's funny. When I'm busy I don't have as much of a time staying on the diet but I have a much more difficult time getting my water in. When I'm not busy, the reverse is true (obviously). I decided yesterday that the solution here is to stay busy but run around with an IV in so I can continually hydrate myself without thinking about it. *laughs*

My plastic surgeon (surgery in just over a month) has me taking a multi-vitamin twice a day to get my skin as healthy as possible before the surgery. I've upped my B12 supplement as well to make sure that nothing dips down below where it should be prior to the experience. I guess I should invest in a B-complex to make sure the other B vitamins (specifically B1 or Thiamine) doesn't get low.

I'm excited about having a lot of my excess fat/skin removed especially in the abdomen area though I'm not really looking forward to the recovery time. Recovery from gastric bypass, while not super long, cured me of any desire to go through a recovery period on anything. But I expect to have two plastic surgeries, at the end of which (once recovery is done) my total weight loss adventure will be over and the rest of my life will be enjoyment of being where I've always wanted to be and working to stay there. So..... I'm excited.

I would love to hear from more of you ... your stories, how all of this has affected you, and what you enjoy the most or are looking forward to the most. My email address is in my profile which you can access by clicking on the link over by my profile picture.

Sean

What? Me Exercise?

So yesterday I had worked on putting together the elliptical machine delivered on Thursday by NordicTrack. Hours later when it was basically put together, the last thing I wanted to do was try it out. It was a workout putting the thing together. And guess what? It takes two people so I had to work with my brother to get it. One of the screws at the base wouldn't go in the right way because the hole they had drilled in the two metal pieces didn't align correctly. Fortunately I'm good at puzzles so we put it in backwards and it worked well that way. Definitely one of the most frustrating pieces of equipment I've ever had the *cough* pleasure to put together. I seriously am tempted to call NordicTrack and give them a piece of my mind. Anyway, so a new era starts. I have an elliptical, new cross trainer (hiking/walking) shoes, and a mountain bike. That should keep me plenty busy through the summer and beyond. I'm kind of excited. I've drug my daughter into the fray. She has her own mountain bike and new shoes and together we've already started having fun. She loves going biking with her dad and is always asking me if we can go and disappointed when it ends.

One thing that I've heard about from a lot of you is that you hate exercise. Well... I'm right there with you. I bought a Gold's Gym membership but absolutely hated it. Let's face it, I'm not going to be a gym rat. But I needed to find something and this has me on the right track. As I get going, I know I'm going to augment my equipment with some dumbbells and at least a padded mat for crunches (if not a core ball). But all in its own time. I have found a few things that I will do, in places that I will do them. Stay tune. I'll keep you updated as to how it ends up working out but so far it's looking good.

Sean

And I'm Back....

For those of you who haven't discovered it yet, Ray Wilde, the office manager over at Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians and I had a phone conversation a couple of weeks back. Being able to have a frank discussion about what actually happened on the board brought a quick resolution and Ray has reinstated me to the RMAP message board. I don't know if it will ever truly be the same (do wounds ever heal 100%?) but I've started messaging there again.

I hope you'll continue to follow my blog as there will be more personal experiences here but I invite you to also join me on the RMAP board if you are so inclined.

Update

Okay for those of you who have been asking me what's going on with everything, here's a big update:

1. No, I still haven't heard back from Ray Wilde, the office manager over at Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians. I haven't lost hope yet but at this point we are a couple days past when I was supposed to hear from him.

2. My plastic surgery is coming up in about 5 weeks. I'm a little nervous about it only because I keep thinking... what if I made a mistake with the surgeon I chose? I don't think I did ... I'm thinking it's just normal jitters.

3. I had my back molar worked on back on Tuesday and I'm wearing a temporary crown for the next 3 weeks. This means I can't eat anything hard to chew (i.e., beef jerky, nuts) or anything sticky (i.e., gum, chewy candy). So far this has proven to be a bonus. Who knows, in 3 weeks, I could lose another 5 or so pounds. *lol*

4. I bought a mountain bike from REI. As a REI member, I was able to use my 20% off dividend (only for the Navarro bikes) and get one for a really good price. I've been out biking with my daughter a few times already and I'm hoping the weather will hurry up and warm up so we can go more often. It's amazing how much I like going out in public now. I don't feel all self-conscious biking along the edge of the road now whereas before I hated even walking on the side of the road because I could have sworn everyone looked at me because of my size.

Other than that, all is well. Life continues to progress and get better with every day. Thank you everyone for keeping in touch and being such a great support system for me. I appreciate every one of you.

Sean

RMAP: Ray Wilde

I meant to post this earlier but I haven't had time yet. Last week I talked to Ray Wilde, the office manager for Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians about the issue that occurred between Carly and myself. I'm pretty sure I already posted about it. At the end part of the week, I followed that up with an email to him (per his request) outlining my perspective on the entire situation. He was supposed to get back to me by yesterday and I haven't heard from him yet but I am still hopeful. I would like to continue working with RMAP and I remain in disbelief that by relating what I thought was a small negative experience snowballed into me being banned from the message boards and into something that now involves Meredith and Ray. I never thought telling a story could have such an impact.

Anyway, two days ago a friend of mine (RMAP patient) started experiencing strong pain in her rib area. Yesterday she called RMAP and talked to Carly. Carly contacted Dr. Smith and Dr. Smith talked to her and she ended up going to the hospital where they operated and fixed the problem (I won't get too detailed because that's her story to tell). Anyway, as she related this story to me, I thought about what I would do if in the same position. Due to this situation, I don't know whereas I would be comfortable calling RMAP which irritates me. It irritates me because I had no malicious intent at relating my negative experience. I didn't even think it was that much of a negative experience. It was just relevant to the conversation going on in the forum at the time and fit the topic of the post which was saying that the one area RMAP could improve in was customer service. I stated in that post, however, how great I think RMAP is.

Oh well. Hopefully I'll hear from Ray and this issue can become a thing of the past. It would be nice to feel again like if something were to go wrong I could feel comfortable in calling RMAP.

Sean

Plastic Surgery

I'm getting excited about my upcoming plastic surgery with Dr. Scott Haupt. I'm going to have to stage this into two separate operations but the first is going to be the most extensive and do, in a way, the more exciting of the two. This first one will remove the excess skin from my upper arms, thighs and abdomen. Yay!!!!

I'm so excited that I can't even explain it. I can't wait until I can come back and leave a post tell you all about it and how I feel about having a flat stomach (without excess skin) for the first time ever).

Stay tuned!

Food Labels

So here's something new I recently learned:

Because I have made a conscious decision to learn how many carbs, proteins, sugars, fats, calories and dietary fiber is in everything I eat, looking at labels now helps me get past cravings. For example, the other day I was at the store. Before check out, I noticed I was hungry. In fact, I was starving. At the check stand I almost bought potato chips or some candy. It was obvious to me that my blood sugar level was low. I almost bought several different things. Why didn't I? I'd like to say it's because my will power is so strong but that's not it.

I didn't buy them because after each one I picked up, I read the label. When I realized the serving size and how many calories, carbs, sugars, fat were in them, I found myself thinking that if I ate that one thing, it would throw my entire day off. That thought process had me putting the items back and instead thinking of what I could eat -- and it ended up being a lot better for me.

So don't buy into it when you hear people tell you that they don't want or need to pay that close attention to those things. It does help. Perhaps not today but you never know when down the road it will help. A mental food journal or a written one. If you don't do it already, start today.

Sean

Meredith's Phone Call

Meredith called me this afternoon. We had an interesting phone conversation. Meredith is nice but nothing has changed in her stance or the stance of Rocky Mountain Associated Physician. A quick review:

RMAP believes that I slandered Carly. They state that it is okay to have freedom of expression on their board but apparently when you have that freedom of expression and actually name one of their employees, that's not okay. Nevermind that the post was not a personal attack, but rather me just relating an example where I was frustrated with the customer service of RMAP (like those who had been talking in the forum). I specifically stated in that post (at the end) that I thought highly of RMAP but hoped they would get better at customer service. There was no slander about it. As stated before, here's the definition of slander:

"a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name."

The key here is "false." To be slander, it has to be false. I posted a true story and related my feelings to what happened. Meredith believes that could have been handled behind the scenes. Could it have been? I don't know. Who would I have talked to about it. I can't talk about it now as everyone at RMAP believes Carly's version of the story and certainly don't appear to give any weight to my version. To this date I have never heard one person say "I understand that you just wanted to know if Dr. Smith needed to see you based on his statement 'check back with me in six months.' I understand that you didn't need or really want an appointment unless Dr. Smith determined he really wanted to see you. I apologize that Dr. Smith wasn't consulted as to whether he needed to see you." No. All I continue to get is "Carly was just trying to tell you that you needed to make an appointment to see Dr. Smith." I know. That wasn't what I was asking her then and it's still not what I'm asking (nor is it the story I continue to tell). *sigh*

Anyway, Meredith believes in the above. That's fine. I believe things should be taken in proper context and this totally wasn't. Anyway, Meredith states that an email was sent to me saying that to be reinstated to the board, I would have to write a letter of apology to the surgeons. You have got to be kidding me!! An apology for what? For relating a true happening and openly hoping that it wouldn't happen again?

Okay. So I told Meredith that if she wanted a letter of apology that I would be willing to write one BUT Carly needed to provide me with one as well. Well, let's just say that's not going to happen. Meredith wants RMAP's apology for the incident to be her phone call to me. Okay, well then my apology should be able to be had over the phone as well. You want it in writing, I want one in writing. After all, I didn't create this situation myself -- in fact, I was trying to help when I wrote my post. I certainly didn't expect someone to decide it was a personal attack.

It became obvious on the phone call that Meredith and I weren't going to cover any ground that we hadn't already covered in email. Meredith and RMAP are unwilling to admit that they did anything wrong in regards to this incident. Meredith said that she did not call me evil. This is true. She didn't. But she and Carly make me feel like a criminal and she is trying to mete out some type of punishment in order to make it all better.

So what it comes down to is this: I basically admit that the entire incident is my fault and write a letter of apology to the RMAP surgeons and I can be reinstated to the message boards. Ummm... am I the only one who sees a problem here? By the way, I still find the whole issue of "resolution" to be interesting. So in our email exchanges before, I was told that Meredith's offer to resolve the situation was that I stop posting negative things about Carly. I have NOTHING against Carly. I never did. I actually think Carly is nice though I wish she had taken the time to listen to what I was saying. But how is it a resolution, as Meredith stated on the phone, that if I stop saying negative things about Carly that RMAP will move on and forget the incident? Hmmm. I don't know about you but to me resolution means that when I carry out my side, then the ban is removed. At least that was the assumption I made.

And I thought I was clear but apparently I wasn't. My entire reason for contacting Meredith was to rectify this situation and get things back to where they were. Why? Because of all the wonderful RMAP patients who reached out to me via email and my blog. Those who reached out to me on obesityhelp.com, those who have my cell phone and call me for advice. And those who have formed a help group on Facebook. I love being able to help all of them with personal experiences, things I've learned, etc. RMAP's message board was an easy way to do that. Why else would I reach out?

Anyway, like I said, I believe Meredith's goal was admirable but if RMAP isn't willing to admit to any kind of wrong doing here, then I'm not interested. If Carly wants to deliver a personal apology to me, I am more than willing to deliver a personal apology to everyone within RMAP. If they want me to stop writing about the incident and let bygones be bygones and put things back how they were before the incident, I'm good with that too. But to ask me to say I was the only person who did anything wrong is ridiculous and it isn't going to happen. Because it's not true. My intent with the offending post was not malicious, it was not slanderous, and it was not even detrimental to RMAP. What has been done to me, however...

Anyway, Meredith stated that Ray, the office manager will call me since her and I can't seem to find middle ground. I hope he does but somehow I think he won't. We'll see. Stay tuned. I would like to work this out but I'm not willing to sell my soul for it.

Sean

My Response to Meredith

Meredith.

I was unable to respond to your call/voicemail today because I am out of the state on business. In fact, I just got back to the hotel room. But from the sounds of your email it doesn't sound like I need to call you tomorrow. Like your other emails, it appears you're being very biased on this subject and though you're being relatively nice in your emails, I fail to see where you're offering any type of resolution.

What I would like to point out is that this isn't about me, it isn't about Carly. It's about RMAP. My post that I got banned for wasn't about me, it wasn't about Carly. It was a request for RMAP to get better in a certain area. This is a complaint brought up by many patients and has been sooooo evident. The post was left out of a desire for RMAP to get better and to be the best. Carly took it personal and there was no reason to. But that's not how you choose to see it though many many patients read that and agree with that.

However, I'm glad you have a flood of anger and are upset by my words. Perhaps that finally gives you insight into my situation. Here for over 18 months I spent my free time to give back to RMAP, to be there for their patients, to give back because of this gift I was given. I defended the RMAP surgeons when they were attacked by patients on the message boards, I soothed things over when former patients complained about how horrible gastric bypass surgery was to them or when they complained about the educational program, how they felt the $500 educational fee was a waste or how unresponsive they felt the office was. I have carried the RMAP flag higher than was ever expected of me and drove as many patients to RMAP as possible.

Then I had a negative experience with Carly. I didn't say anything for a long time then it became relevant in a post. The whole point of the post was not to degrade Carly. You never read the post. If you had, you would have seen that I merely suggested that RMAP could improve on the customer service side. Yes if I was Carly that would have been hard to take but I would never have banned anyone for relaying a negative experience and their perception. I wouldn't try to call it slander when it doesn't come close to the definition of the word. I would have taken a hard look at the experience, perhaps talked to the person if necessary, maybe even addressed it. I wouldn't have run from it. But that's just me.

You never, in any of your emails to me stated that RMAP wanted a letter of apology. And honestly Meredith, the situation between Carly and I was the banning from the boards. You offered a resolution to that. Offering a resolution means that if one side follows through on their side of things, the other side does as well. So please... don't say that you followed through on yours. I made it clear in my initial email that I was addressing the ban from the message boards. You offered a resolution that I accepted. You reneged. It's as simple as that. If you want to talk about slander, how about the slander that RMAP has thrown my way? You accepting Carly's version of what happened without reading the emails other patients have left about it stating quite the opposite or even reading the post in and of itself. And did you expect that by telling me that Carly is the victim and I'm some hate mongering individual who is into slander was not going to offend me? Much like you, I've tried to keep the anger out of it.
I reached out to you in hopes that this situation could be resolved. Your proposed resolution was fine. I wanted to just let bygones be bygones and go back to flying the RMAP colors. But I guess that isnt' good enough. Now you want to exact a piece of flesh. I'm sorry but I've given up the days of when I was willing to let people walk over me. I am owed a written apology from Carly that specifically lets me know she understands what she is apologizing for. If I get that, I would be more than willing to provide a written apology to the surgeons and Carly herself and spend my days praising everyone at RMAP. But since that isn't going to happen, I don't have to worry about that, do I? Right. Because neither you nor Carly believe there is any wrongdoing on your part.

You are always welcome to call me. If I am able to answer, I'm always willing to talk. But if this is just going to spin wheels, then I'm not interested. I am active in the legislature and the medical community with gastric bypass and trying to get more insurances to pay for it (through passed bills, etc). I actively offer support of past patients and love it. If it's not going to be through the RMAP board, it will be somewhere.

I do not feel it is appropriate to ask a patient to apologize for relaying a true story and voicing his/her frustrations. It also isn't appropriate to label that patient as a slanderer. It's obvious how RMAP has positioned themselves. If I felt that it would do any good to talk to you about this on the phone, I would. But at this point I don't see how the two sides are able reconcile. Your resolution was for me not to say anything negative about Carly anymore. I agreed. The fact that you offered a "resolution" to the situation implies that any punishment would be rescinded. It was not. It is obvious that you feel that I owe an apology. I personally believe that I have been unjustly vilified and that I am owed an apology for having been put in this position and being slandered myself (and in this case the word fits).

I am sad to see RMAP take this position. I was certainly willing to work with RMAP and try to make some good will out of this. I am a big believer in the gastric bypass surgery and I am a huge advocate in the legislative sessions as we try to pass bills that will cause the insurance companies to pay for this surgery whenever medically necessary and I also, through my mother's past connections as well as my own, work within the medical community. I am reaching out to more and more obese people and past patients every day and I do give recommends. I would have always preferred those recommends be to RMAP but I cannot in good conscience continue to recommend anyone to a practice that condones this type of action. A practice should not fear its shortcomings but rather should realize that all practices have flaws and that bringing those flaws into light allow that practice to grow and become greater and stronger than before. If RMAP is not willing to do that, if they seek to always hide anything negative, no matter how true it might be, then it is not the practice that I thought it was.

Take care Meredith. Contrary to what you might believe, I harbor no ill will. It was my hope that you would come into this situation unbiased and allow a peaceful compromise take place between myself and Carly that would allow me to continue to help RMAP patients as I have tried to do for well over a year. I am somewhat dismayed that my efforts will need to take a different direction now. Please let your surgeons know that I will always speak very highly of them but that this situation makes it impossible for me to recommend their practice.

Thanks.
Sean

New Email from Meredith

Meredith called and left me a voicemail today. I was unable to take the call or return her call today because of work but after her email (see below), I don't see any reason for making that call. I'll post my reply after this but it's obvious that this is going nowhere. It's sad. It would have been nice to have resolved this and let bygones be bygones but oh well. (btw, let me ask you, when the "banning" is the issue and someone offers a resolution, wouldn't you think that implies a reversal of the banning? As you read Meredith's email, ask yourself that question).

Sean,

I called you and left a voicemail today wanting to speak with you regarding our current miscommunications. I would prefer to speak over the phone or in our office; however, it appears e-mail is your correspondence medium of choice.

First of all, I really appreciate the second follow-up e-mail to your previous one this morning. I feel I must speak honestly and I need to let you know I was quite offended by your words. I feel I have been trying my absolute hardest to appease the situation and keep anger at bay. I hope you can recognize that.

Second of all, it appears some mind-reading has been occurring on both of our parts. In my resolution with Carley, nowhere did I state part of the deal was to reinstate you to the boards. I apologize if you ever felt differently. When you offered your help to current and future RMAP patients, I assumed you meant in a different educational capacity, i.e. support group. It appears when you offered your services to us, you meant to be reinstated to the boards. This is a miscommunication that I do hope we can resolve.

In your previous contact with RMAP, we made it clear to you that in order for forum reinstatement to occur, a letter of apology addressed to the surgeons would be necessary. Because that has not happened, we must still stand by our decision to not allow you to post on our forums. I know this is difficult for you, and is not the resolution you were hoping for; please know I understand that.

I feel I have very much so stood by my word, as RMAP has moved on from the situation. I do not see where we have fallen short of that promise. I also do not see how I have pushed you away, as I gladly accepted your offer to help RMAP patients in the future in my very first e-mail to you. Again, I apologize for that miscommunication.

We have support group every month and I do not see a better place to start helping RMAP patients than our support group. Your $500 fee for education goes to support group; it is up to you whether or not you utilize the resource.

Due to our history of misunderstanding one another through e-mail, I recommend that we either speak over the phone or in person to further resolve the issue, if you would like.

Thank you,

Meredith, RN
Education Director