I'm now at the point where I have a lot of confidence and so I started dating. My real complex is about all the loose skin but in clothes you can't really tell other than I do have more of a roll (because of the excess skin) around the middle that you can kind of see (it just makes me look bigger than I really am).
Anyway, so I met this girl I really really liked. Her name is Stacy. We really hit things off but when she found out about the surgery and the loose skin, things got cold really fast. She didn't want to come off as shallow so at first she just stopped having so much contact with me. Then when I told her I knew something was up and I just wanted a little honesty, she came up with another reason to make it sound like it was all about me.
At first I was a little hurt but then I realized what I've learned through this weight loss journey. It's all about me. I have a lot to give someone and if she doesn't realize that it's her loss. If she is that shallow and dishonest then I'm better off without her. Why would I want to put energy into a relationship with a person like that?
It's better to learn these things about people upfront. And keep aware of the warning signs. If they're obsessed with weight, if they say negative things about heavy people, these are not the type of people with whom you really want to have a relationship.
In this particular case the kicker for me was the dishonesty. If you can't be upfront and honest with someone at the beginning of a relationship, do we really delude ourselves into thinking that once we get into the relationship that magically that's suddenly going to change and happen differently? No. It just gets harder as you get further into the relationship. The fact that she just gave me the cold shoulder rather than communicating what was going on speaks volumes about where she's at as a person.
So I'm glad I learned these things about her in the beginning because it would have just been more difficult to end things down the road.I wish Stacy the best. She's fun. I have no doubt that she will find someone that's perfect for her and her little boy. It's just not me. I need someone with a little more depth and honesty.
Sean
About Me
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2 comments:
I know the feeling!!! I'm looking so much better (if I do say so myself), but I am totally self-conscious about the skin. I scheduled plastic surgery for next January and can't wait until then!! I'm going to look so fine!!! I'm finding that most men are just interested in sex at our age. It's a little discouraging because I really want to get to know someone first and it seems like it's now an old fashioned idea. I went out with a guy tonight who was so nice, but no goals in life and is a little too insecure for my tastes. He seemed totally excited about the surgery and weight loss. He also wanted to kiss goodnight on the first date and I thought it was a bit freaky!! Things will work out okay for us, Sean. Things happen the way they are supposed to happen.
WOW! You have done awesome. I had my RNY done in Dec of 2007 and I have lost 150 lbs. I now weigh about 140. It has been a totally awesome experience for me. My life has gone through some huge changes becaue of my confidence level getting so much better. I haven't really dated much though since I have gotten "skinny". I guess that it's just because it's not something that I have done with much success in the last 20 years. When I was heavy I was always willing to settle for whoever would have me weighing almost 300 lbs. Now, I know that I don't have to settle anymore, but I guess that I better start looking at some point though.......lol. I would love to talk to you more. I have totally enjoyed reading your blog. You are so right, Dr. Smith is an amazing surgeon. Feel free to email me at JulieG8869@hotmail.com.
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